Friendship, what does it mean to you? More importantly, what is friendship? What is the expectations of a friend? The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy defines friendship as this:
Friendship, as understood here, is a distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other's sake, and that involves some degree of intimacy. As such, friendship is undoubtedly central to our lives, in part because the special concern we have for our friends must have a place within a broader set of concerns, including moral concerns, and in part because our friends can help shape who we are as persons. Given this centrality, important questions arise concerning the justification of friendship and, in this context, whether it is permissible to “trade up” when someone new comes along, as well as concerning the possibility of reconciling the demands of friendship with the demands of morality in cases in which the two seem to conflict.
As we go through our lives, friendships are gained & friendships are lost. The most important thing to bear in mind when dealing with friendships is who are your real friends. Who do you consider to be in your Inner Circle, or as Robert De Niro said in "Meet the Parents", your Circle of Trust? I have come to the conclusion that there are multiple levels of friendship. Not included in this is your spouse, mate, cohabitant, etc. because this is a totally different subject. What I will be dealing with are multiple levels of non romantic friendship. Here is my rating system, starting inner & working out. I am using a 4 ring target with the starting point being the bulls eye.
Inner Circle or Circle of Trust: These friends are your most trusted friends. This friend will drop what they are doing in a heartbeat to help you out when needed & you will do the same if the situation called for it. These friends are the ones that you can tell your most personal things while not worrying about the whole world knowing your business. This is the bunch of friends that if given the choice, you will hang out with them over any other group of friends as well as party with & go places with.
Close Friends: These friends are the next level of friendship & they are the ones you sometimes hang out with, party with at times, & are the ones you might go places with. This level of friends while they are close to the inner circle or circle of trust, you share some personal things with them, but not the most personal things. These are the friends who help you with projects around your house & you most certainly help them out with projects as well.
Friendly Acquaintances: These friends might be your neighbors or friends of friends. Also included in this category are people you work with or some people that belong to groups or clubs that you belong to. You might invite a handful of these people to events that you host or occasionally go out to your favorite haunt/pub. You rarely tell these people your most intimate secrets.
Fair Weather Friends: These friends are the hit or miss type of friends. They are the ones who might call on you when you have a party with an open invite (like a block party for example) or vice versa. They usually say Hi to you when they see you out & about. You can go months without any form of communication or interaction. You never tell them anything that is very personal because usually they would blab it all over. This type of friend only associates with you while you are up, and generally won't when you are down. They only associate with you when they can get something out of it at times.
Phony Friends/Enemies: This is the last category on my friends scale. A phony friend is someone that used to be a friend, who you later found out only used your friendship for some sort of gain or elevation in social status or because of your position within a company or group.. A group phony friends can be a bunch of people who for some reason used you till they no longer had any use for you anymore. They latched on to you because of your talents or reputation within that community could give them some sort of benefit. Also, a phony friend generally rides the waves that follow your success in order to say that they are with you. A phony friend will only be friends with you when you are up, & then will kick you to the curb when you are down & mock you or talk behind your back because everyone else is doing it. An enemy is someone who is not your friend & will continually do things to keep you down to only make themselves look better, but generally people will see through the smoke & realize what the purpose of their actions really are. You might be asking your self why am I grouping enemies with phony friends? the answer is as the old saying goes, "Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer." If you don't keep an eye on enemies, there is a good chance that they will "Pearl Harbor" you, that is mount a sneak attack. Generally, you are always prepared for an attack, just don't be surprised when it comes, & never, ever, ever let your guard down. Know the way they operate & by all means, know their motives. Always keep your guard up & know their pattern of attack.
The other night, I received a phone call from one of my friends, not just a friend, an inner circle friend whom I've been friends with for a little more than 10 years now. My friend is Dave & he lives up in Wilkes-Barre, PA & we talked for over 2 1/2 hours. I met Dave when I worked for Foot Locker. We both no longer work for the Evil Empire. I had to quit Foot Locker back in 2004 due to a Workers Comp settlement, & Dave was forced to resign when his store just recently closed for good & there was no place for him to go & since he just bought a house a few weeks prior to his store closing & the Evil Empire was not willing to buy his house so he could move, he opted out with a severance package. Anyhow you are now thinking how is he an inner circle friend? Well here's the scoop.
It was back in 1997. I managed the Foot Locker in Scranton & Dave was in Wilkes-Barre. My official position besides store manager, was Market (Group) Leader. I had 4 stores that I was basically in charge of, not as manager, but I was like the go between guy between them & the main office in NYC. I also had to take their sales figures each week as well as their merchandise needs for the District Manager & the NY office. It was my job to make sure that when there was vacations I had to help get coverage for their stores as well as get people together when those stores had store audits (inventories). Dave at this point has been in the same store for over 5 or so years. His audit record was impeccable. He was probably the best manager that I ever met who controlled store shrinkage. He had an excellent staff who kept the shoplifters in check. All of the sudden out of nowhere, he started having messed up test checks (weekly departmental inventories). Each week it was getting worse until he had his audit & was thousand of dollars short. Then a couple of weeks later it got even worse. His test checks were getting even shorter & then he had another audit which was even worse. Other managers who were there for the audit started trashing Dave behind his back that he sucked as a manager. The auditors & the District Manager (DM) started to blame his staff for the shortages & were hinting at firing the whole staff. They were wondering if his store was getting broke into some how & couldn't find anything. It was getting bad & everyone started trashing him even more, everyone except me.
On the night after his last bad audit, I came by his store to cheer him up & to look around again for any signs of break ins, I came up with nothing until we check the back door & I saw some scratches around the lock & noticed that there was a key broken off in the lock. I asked Dave about that & he said that it's been like that for years because his old DM broke a key off in it so it couldn't be used. Using my Philly shifty know-how, I said to Dave, get me a flat head screw driver & lock me out. Dave got me the needed device to jimmy the lock & locked me out. It took me not even 5 seconds to take the screw driver & line it up perfectly with the broken key & with a flick of the wrist I opened the back door to see a very, very happy Dave jumping up & down ecstatically that I was able to "break in" the back door!We immediately called the Auditor at home to tell him the good news & I tracked down the District Manager at the hotel that he was staying in to tell him the good news. WE wound up waiting to almost till 1:30 am for the locks to be changed on the back door. Dave thanked me for not only finding how his store lost all the merchandise, but sticking by him when others didn't. This is what a true friend does, sticks by you when others don't & is there for you when they need you.
Even though I relocated back to Philly and was over a hundred miles away, Dave & I have always kept in touch with Christmas cards each year, phone calls every few months, & a visit or 2 in between. We always at least once a year talk about the story I just told and now laugh about it, but it always ends with how I was the only one who stuck by him when everyone else wanted to crucify him.
I have quite a few friends in my inner circle that I can rely on in a moments notice when I need help. Since I re injured my back & injured my neck, I generally need help with moving heavy things and work around my house & yard that require more muscle than my family could do. This is when you find out who your true friends are. Since I was in the process of adding an addition to my home & needed a shed torn down, building supplies & materials transported here, furniture moved, & general construction done. Along with family members who did their fair share of work, my friends (who are twin bothers) Danny & Dougie went above & beyond friendship by doing a bulk of the heavy work as well as demolition work for me & earned a place in my inner circle for that. For that guys, I owe you & thank you from the bottom of my heart. Other friends have pitched in here & there, but those two have done the most for me & my family.All & all, I have about 7 or 8 inner circle friends totally that have helped me out either now or a few years back when I was hurt as well. I probably could have a few more that I could add, but my recommendation is to keep your inner circle tight, relatively small, & manageable because any more would be too much and besides, that's why you have your close friends. You want your inner circle to consist of your very close friends that is your Circle of Trust.
Peace & Blessings,
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