Living in Pain

Well it's no secret, I am out on Workers Compensation with a bad neck & back. Now when some people are hurt, they have 1, 2, and/or maybe 3 herniated discs in either their neck and/or back. Well, I don't just have 3 anymore like I did 3 years ago, nor do I have 6 like I did last year. You must be thinking that I got the surgery and am left with 1 or 2 bad discs. Nope, thats not the answer. The answer is 11. Yep thats right, 11 herniated discs. At 39 years old, I got 11 herniated discs that aren't going away, they are just getting worse because with them being on multi levels according to 2 different doctors, I am inoperable. I have 2 in my Cervical Spine, 6 in my Thoracic Spine, & 3 in my Lumbar/Sacral Spine.

I might get lucky with a doctor who might read this and that he/she can give me some hope, so here's the results of my MRI's:

C1/C2: ok

C2/C3: ok

C3/C4: bulging disc

C4/C5: bulging disc, herniates on left side upon flexion

C5/C6: right paracentral herniation

C6/C7: ok

C7/T1: ok

T1/T2: ok

T2/T3: ok

T3/T4: ok

T4/T5: ok

T5/T6: moderate broad right-sided herniation with thecal sac compression

T6/T7: prominent left-sided herniation

T7/T8: prominent left-sided herniation

T8/T9: moderate right-sided herniation with significant thecal sac compression

T9/T10: bilobulated disc herniation with thecal sac impingement

T10/T11: ok

T11/T12: small right paracentral herniation with a well-defined annular tear

T12/L1: ok

L1/L2: ok

L2/L3: ok

L3/L4: prominent broad herniation with L4 nerve root impingement

L4/L5: prominent broad herniation that affects both L4 nerve roots

L5/S1: broad herniation across disc space with displacement of the left S1 nerve root

The result of all these herniations is pain down both arms & both legs, constant numbness in half my right hand with ocassional numbness to the whole hand & ocassional numbness in the left hand as well, both legs are weak, sharp pain from my neck to buttocks, ocassional sharp pain in both knees, and pain that wraps around both sides of my ribs.

Now there are ignorant people out there (comp doctors as well as exfriends) and you know who you are that say, oh he's faking or there's nothing wrong with him, well films don't lie asses!

How do you deal with the pain, you might be wondering? Well 60mg of MS Contin (morophine sulfate) twice daily along with anti-inflamatories & muscle relaxors that does help sometimes, but there is usually breakthrough pain that you just have to deal with. When you got this much wrong, each day that I can still move around is another day that I thank the God & Goddess for & it's another day to overcome the pain & be thankful that it could only be worse.

There are other factors that you deal with especially being on Comp, but that's another Blog for another day! If there is anyone that reads this that can help, leave a comment & Blogger will notify me. I have to monitor the comments because there are callous people out there that used to be my friends, that put hateful comments on previous posts that don't like to hear the truth & just want to live in a world where you must always be PC or be one of the gang that all think alike or pretend that they are individuals, but really aren't.

Thanks for listening,

b.0.b aka Caedmon

The upcoming DVPN Summer Social July 2007 & other happenings.

I belong to several online Pagan groups in the metro Philadelphia/New Jersey area. A common post made on these groups came up over the last week or so was this:

DVPN Summer Social

Sunday, July 22, 2007, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m.

Lorimer Park, Huntingdon Valley, PA

If you don't already know, the DVPN is the Delaware Valley Pagan Network. The DVPN is an organization of Pagans from different backgrounds. You can be a Druid, a Heathen, A Wiccan, or just an ordinary Neo-Pagan. There are countless other traditions that fall under the term "Pagan" that can be listed, I just gave you the tip of the iceberg. You might be asking what is this organization about? Here is a quote from their site :

"The Delaware Valley Pagan Network (DVPN) was founded in 1999 as a secular organization that would help support the Pagan community of the Delaware Valley.
DVPN's primary goal is to help Pagans in the area find each other and share resources. If a local coven is sponsoring an open gathering, we help to promote it through our online network and newsletter. If a bookstore is having a special author event, we would also help them promote that. We hold public gatherings designed not just to bring Pagans together, but to allow members of the public to see what we do."

Last summer I missed the social due to physical problems & most of all, due to the high humidity and how that effects my body, it literally cripples me up. This year I plan on going with one of my true Pagan friends. This person was the only person who stuck by me through all the BS that came up from my ex-Coven & the treatment that I received. This person exemplifies how a true Pagan acts & was the voice of reason within my ex-Coven. My friend is no longer a member of my ex Coven due to BS & people who start BS. Anyhow, my ex-Coven will be doing the closing Ritual & I really wish them luck. Speaking of them, this will be the first time that I will have seen any of them since my Coven decommedation and there has been a lot of nasty words back & forth between all parties. I am over all that BS and have been since about like 2 days after it happened. I contacted another one of my friends who happens to be the HPS of a Coven in NJ when all the BS went down & now I am continuing my studies with her.

Since I am talking about this, my new Coven is the Silver Phoenix Coven in Pensauken,NJ. I was accepted there for who I am and my opinions & thoughts do count without anybody getting pissed off for what I say because we are a family & everybody has a say. I am not an official Coven member yet, I need to go through the program for my year & a day, but I am a 2nd year student due to my prior experience and am respected (unlike in my past experience) for what I know and my 1st degree what was obtained in my old Coven. But things are different in a Traditional Wiccan Coven than it was in an Eclectic Wiccan Coven (please note, I didn't say Eclectic Pagan Coven like my old Coven would like to be considered because 85% of their Rituals are truly Wiccan). Even though I am a second year student, I am a little behind knowledge wise than my classmates because their 1st year was spent in a more rigorous training setting than me, but with the help of other students & my teacher, I am getting up to speed.

Last month, we had the pleasure of experiencing a Blue Moon. A Blue Moon is when a 2nd Full Moon occurs in a month. This happens every 2 1/2 years or simply every 30 months. This past Blue Moon not only was the 1st Blue Moon that I experienced as a Wiccan, but it was the 1st Ritual that I partook in with my new extended family, and the 1st Ritual since I got decommendated from my old Coven. The results of this Ritual were unlike anything I ever felt. I felt reborn and full of life! It felt really good to get back in the swing of things again! I am really glad that I contacted Lady Misty and did not become a solitaire practitioner because I am surrounded by a supportive, caring bunch of people who like to learn & grow with each other without the drama & negativity that dampen your personal growth, goals, and aspirations. I have learned that a successful Coven has its ups & downs and like a family there are arguments, but nothing personal is taken and in the end, everyone has grown and learned without any feelings getting hurt or viscous personal attacks thrown about. In a Coven we laugh, we cry, and most of all, we have each other for support.

One more thing, in case you're wondering what happened to Treborus? Who is Caedmon? Well, Treborus was associated with my past & since I am moving forward, I chose a new name, Caedmon. Caedmon is pronounced Kad'mun. Caedmon is Celtic for wise warrior and since I am in a Celtic Coven, my name is appropriate. My old HPS had me read the book Wiccan Warrior, I decided to take on a Warrior name. Since I am continuing to learn that makes me wiser. So with all these factors combined and by process of elimination through numerology (with my magickal number being 1), I chose Caedmon, the Wise, the Celtic, the Wiccan Warrior.

96 Hours

Well first off, let me welcome the newest addition to my clan....my granddaughter Chloe'! Yes, thats right, I am a Grandpop, or as I will be called, Pop-Pop. At 39 years old, I have a granddaughter, 3 sons age 9 months, 2 years & a 14 year old soon to be 15 years old, 1 daughter age 18, and 1 step daughter age 17 soon to be 18. Life certainly does fly by! Anyhow, let me tell ya about the last 96 hours.

On Thursday, I participated in my 1st Full Moon Ritual with my new Coven, the Silver Phoenix Coven. We celebrated a Blue Moon Healing/Good Health Ritual at Lady Misty's house. The focus of this Ritual was anyone who needed healing help. We all had our intentions which we shared and sent out healing energy to who needed it. I have to say that this was one of the most powerful Ritual that I ever attended & there was alot of strong positive energy rasised that night & alot of people will benefit from it. I really enjoyed myself & my new Wiccan family is a great fit for me. I left this Ritual feeling alot better mentally & physically than I did before I got there, which now leads to Friday.

On Friday, I woke up part of the way around 6am and I later went to PT at Noon. I received a very relaxing back massage there that helped out alot for what was going to be a long, long day. After PT, I picked up my daughter Caitlyn for her OB appointment. Earlier in the week, her BP was really high & with 1 week to go before her due date, the Doctor wanted her to come in on Friday to get her BP checked & to monitor the unborn baby. Well her BP was still high & the Doctor said with 2 days to go before her due date, she was going to induce her because her BP was still high & she was too stressed out. We went over to the Labor & Delivery at HUP & the fun started. At about 4 pm they started the Oxytocin to start labor. My exwife Lyn arrived at 5:30 followed by the baby's father, Matt & his mom Terry. The clock slowly ticked by & contraction by contraction started. Fast forward to 3:45am Saturday morning, the Doctor & nurses came in to start the delivery. Terry & I waited outside the door while Matt & Lyn stayed in the room to coach Caitlyn along. 5:02am comes about and along with that, Happy Birthday Chloe'! Of course nothing ever comes simple in my life, there were complications. Chloe' had a case of Meconium Aspiration, that is while being born she had a bowel movement & inhaled some into her lungs. Thanks to modern medicine, 24 hours in an isolette & she was better! I went home about 6:30 am to try & sleep, but I tossed & turned and was out of bed about 10:30 am, which I figured, I got about 2 hours of sleep. My wife Sunnie & her daughter, Abria, went to visit Caitlyn about Noon & I went back later with my 3 sons after 5pm. Chole' was in the isolette, but I was allowed to hold her hand, & she was BEAUTIFUL! I went home about 9pm & was finally asleep by 11 pm. Now on to Sunday.

Sunday, June 3rd, Sunnie's birthday, Abria's HS graduation day, & Caitlyn's original due date. One down, two to go. Happy Birthday Sunnie!!! I was up by about 8am today, & was refreshed. The big event today now was Abria's HS graduation. The mass started at 10:45 which only Sunnie & Abria went to. Me & my 3 boys met up with Sunnie at the commencement at 12:30, fast forward past the speeches, prayers, singing, awards, & diplomas, It's 2:30 & we are off to dinner. We went to a nice dinner with Abria's grandparents & us, now its finally 7pm & Bobby & I are on the way to the Hospital. The young ones are at my parents & Sunnie is off to work (It sucks working on your B-day, but the Respiratory Dept at her hospital was over staffed & she was let loose early & arrived home just in time for the Soprano's, so Happy B-Day Baby!). So we get at HUP & the baby is out getting shots. Mind you, I still haven't held Chloe yet, but she will be back at 7:40 pm. At 7:45 pm, my little angel is finally in my arms! I held her for 15 minutes & passed her to my son & he gave her to some of Cait's friends to hold & she went to Caitlyn for like 2 seconds & back to Pop Pop for 1 last time before I went home. I got a gazillion pictures and gave her back to her mom. I got home just in time for the Soprano's & as I said earlier, I was surprised to find my B-day baby home & got to spend some time with her before she was off to bed, & I was off to type up the events of the last 96 hours.

Oh, by the way, I did change my Craft Name to Caedmon, which is Celtic for wise warrior. I figured my old Craft Name was associated with my old Coven, & since my new Coven is a Celtic Traditional Coven, & I am Irish/English, Caedmon suits me fine.